Forgive or Forget! One of them has roots in religion, the other needs not have roots, yet yields fruits. Hardly is there a religion anywhere in the world of humans that don’t sing paean of forgiveness. The sermon that asks one to forgive but not forget is stressed in many a societies which, too, not surprisingly, find their origin in religion. Forgiveness is something bred into people by faith, and hence, sacrosanct. And yet, nine out of ten people don’t forgive, revenge on enemies. It is the way of humans to idealize and to glorify actions or behaviors that is beyond their ability, perhaps within them or without though, to do it.

Since ‘forgiving’ is an act that comes through tremendous emotional strain, which, needless to say, taxes cruelly on human mind and thus have implications for mental health, it may be of interest to look at the route through which ‘forgiveness’ is arrived at and thus analyze its cost and consequences.

The advocates for ‘forgiveness’ preach that one must retain in memory the harm done to him while at the same time forgive the person that hurt him. It is hard to fathom out the rationale behind remembering deep scars and forgiving the scar-giver. What could be the idea behind remembering the vice and forgiving the perpetrator!

To say that it is to make a man or a woman feel conceited of his/her behavior or to keep counts of magnanimous behaviors one exhibited and have sense of pride, or to go around telling the world how big heart beating behind his/her chest would probably be a shallow view of it. Forgive but not forget!

One possible explanation could be that those for it believe that forgetting the wrong-doer and remembering the wrongs help the person undergo some sort of purging something akin to what Aristotle said ‘cathartic’ experience.  It could also be that the act of forgiveness requires one to be constantly reminded of how observant one had been and take solace in it at times of religious or emotional crisis.  Or, it could also be that remembering the harm and forgiving the harm-inflictor is to trust the person but not trust his action, and hence, keep a watchful eye on him lest he would try to inflict the harm once again.

Now, let’s look at the other side of the coin ‘forgiveness’.

Retaining the bad done to one by some badass in some dark chambers of head and shutting it off from one’s thoughts would be simply heavenly. But then, how would one possibly keep oneself aware of the bad deed without frequently visiting the dark chamber where the bad deed is deposited! Not doing that will mean one might lose it out altogether. The religious theory asks one to forgive the wrongdoer while remember the wrong done to him. It should go something like one must forgive while the wound is fresh and keep opening up the wounds never allowing it to heal.

Forgiveness, no doubt, demands one to withstand violent current of feelings and emotions by perhaps transcending it and thus arriving at a state which allows him or her to forgive. One can imagine the amount of mental and emotional turmoil one undergo in the process of reining in hostile emotions, fighting them down or suppressing them, to get calm and collected to perform an act of forgiveness. The game of forgiveness is not over yet. He or she has to retain the act of perpetrator in memory, live it on and off so as not to forget it.

So much for forgiveness, now let’s swivel the focus on ‘forget’. Forgetting in a way is lot more tricky business than forgiving. It is like taking a jump off a flying plane into a free fall. Not a thing to hold on to. No idea, no thought, and no worry where one lands in. Let me think of a story analogous to it. A vermin stalks me as I am walking along the dark, solitary alley, grab hold of me, rip my clothes off, pin me down, assault me sexually and run away leaving me to my lot. I collect myself, gather my strength, pick myself up, bring myself out of it, put on clothes, forget it then and there, and walk home. No trace of the whole episode anywhere in the whole of my being. I am as fresh and cool as ever.

Let’s compare and contrast it with forgiveness. As with forgiveness, there is something to hold on to, something to offset against the horrors one is put through. He or she holds on to the unpleasant episode in memory and takes solace by spinning off conciliatory or consoling thoughts from it like he or she forgave the perpetrator in spite of the fact that the person had inflicted harm on him or her. That gives him or her a sense of pride and something to take refuge in. Thus, an offsetting mechanism is built up in one’s psyche.

Contrary to it, forgetting is lot higher than forgiving. It takes a head free from thoughts. It takes a head above knowledge. It takes a head that can’t help feelings but has transcended the emotions.

Forgetting means living moment by moment, being in a permanent state of flux, and never looking back. Only those can forget who have no yesterday and no tomorrow and not even today. They live in nowhere and that still is anywhere.  They live like any other fellow human, and yet, they live in a state and plane totally different from any other human.

Forgive or forget! Choice is yours! In either, there is no life only living like the flow of a brook.